Practical Rituals for the Busy Cultist

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You've stumbled onto a ritual. What are they doing, and for what purpose? 70% chance the ritual is bunk and does nothing. 30% chance of legit rituals being performed badly and the effect going wildly askew. Interrupted legit rituals have a chance of going askew and causing horrific effects. The likelihood of this increases as the ritual approaches completion.

D8	What?	Why?
1	Three squares of salt mixed with piss, getting progressively larger. Three cultists per square. Each is naked and stands perfectly still for the duration. The air smells of fresh-cut-grass.	To summon a bored entity from beyond the limits of the real. The entity is not bound to act benevolently, truthfully or at all. Forms vary widely.
2	Semi-circle of seven cultists, each clutching a glass blade. They are all crying and wailing, causing a great cacophony.	The complete ruination and eventual destruction of a specific individual, their family, business ventures and personal belongings. The effect can take up to 5 years to end.
3	Two cultists sit facing each other, sharing a hookah. A chalk circle surrounds them. The smoke they breathe writhes, seemingly trying to form faces but falling apart at the last moment. There is no smell.	To hasten the re-awakening of an ancient species from the times before man walked upright and spoke language. They will replace humans as the dominant species in a terrible apocalypse.
4	Three cultists form a triangle around the fourth. They face outwards and chant as the central cultist bites off each finger. They make no noise. They all wear masks of bone and wood.	To cause the target of the ritual to fall hopelessly in love with one of the participants. There is no telling which participant it will be.
5	A large congregation watch in awe as the leader wrestles with an invisible demon. The battle is long and gruelling. They will not help. The demon will kill and eat the leader, who must put up a fight for the ritual to be successful.	To open a pair of linked portals between two points in the real, allowing great distances to be covered incredibly quickly. The placement is very fuzzy, and can open into solid earth or the ocean. Sometimes, those who use the portal step through … different.
6	7 innocents and 7 lambs have their skulls split open with a crude killing-rock. The contents of said skulls are mixed into a broth and each member of the cult drinks deep, except those who struck down the sacrifices. The broth is delicious, and contains many foreign herbs and spices.	To anoint the cultists with invulnerability to all physical weapons. This blessing comes at the cost of being unable to eat, leading to eventual starvation. Even if the invulnerability is removed, the inability to eat remains.
7	One tenth of the cult’s number must drown themselves in the sea whilst the rest lament their sacrifice to the Mother Ocean. There must be a violent storm in progress, and the sacrifices are bedecked in gold.	An elder spirit from the fabric of the Real speaks, and will answer one question. Many of those who hear the speech of an elder spirit die instantly, shaken apart by the very primacy of the being.
8	An enemy of the cult is burnt at the stake whilst a living saint is crucified opposite them. This must be done underground, and the saint must die first. The fire cannot go out.	To bind an intruder spirit to this realm, and to demand 3 terms of service from it. Once these terms are complete, it remains bound. It despises this, and if steps are not taken it will hunt the cultists.